Thank you for writing this. My step-son just turned 13 and is beginning to make the transition you describe here from cute and curly-haired to “big scary brown guy.” I have worried for a while now about this transition and how I, as a white man, can best support him through this time. It sounds like simply being willing to affirm his experiences rather than try to explain them away (which I realize sadly I have already sometimes done) will help avoid the double trauma you describe being inflicted by well-meaning loved ones.
Thank you for writing this. My step-son just turned 13 and is beginning to make the transition you describe here from cute and curly-haired to “big scary brown guy.” I have worried for a while now about this transition and how I, as a white man, can best support him through this time. It sounds like simply being willing to affirm his experiences rather than try to explain them away (which I realize sadly I have already sometimes done) will help avoid the double trauma you describe being inflicted by well-meaning loved ones.
Ok, I’m onboard for the ride!